Hi I’m Joscelyn, a recovering codependent, people-pleaser, and perfectionist turned Master Mindfulness Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Yoga Instructor, and Certified Ritual Guide. I help people let go of toxic habits, situations, and relationships. Check out past editions and sign up below.
How to deal with a non-seeker
|
"The health of any relationship depends greatly on communication and met needs." PERSPECTIVEA non-seeker is someone who is not trying to understand you but is rather challenging you to get them to understand. It may feel like they're being evasive even when they're presenting as trying to understand. When you encounter a non-seeker you can see them as needing help or as using a tactic to avoid an exchange of empathy. Understanding is like climbing a mountain. You won't reach the top immediately, but you will notice when the spikes take hold. You will recognize points of progress through a healthy projection-process-reflection cycle. As one person explains themselves, the other person will process the information, attempting to align it with their past lived experiences in an effort to reflect understanding. A non-seeker does not process the information in an effort to align it with lived experiences but instead uses questions as an off-ramp to demonstrate the complexity of understanding. This is a tactic I call The Dancing Hunter. The Dancing Hunter, who feels unsafe exchanging energy or extending empathy, has a goal of isolation. "Get your feelings off me." REFLECT: The next time you encounter a non-seeker, The Dancing Hunter, ask yourself, "Are they trying to understand me?" and trust your judgment. BEHAVIORDo you know when you're dealing with someone who's withholding empathy? Do you recognize when someone else is trying to understand you or simply avoiding accountability or validation? Encountering this kind of behavior repeatedly can lead anyone to question their own inner judgment and trust. If you've been made to feel too complicated, too sensitive, or too much in *any way*, this trick is for you. TRY: The next time you suspect someone is evading understanding, validation, or accountability, say, "You'll get it if you want to. You'll care if you want to." People know what sad, mad, angry, hurt, etc feel like. If you express your feelings to someone and you're met with arguments, comparisons, or defensiveness, that person is isolating. They'll connect if they want to. THIS WEEK FROM TMLExperiencing a relationship with someone who's isolating? Check out these articles 👇🏻
✨NEW EPISODE✨ Check out this week's episode of The Pursuit of You podcast where we dive into what it means to deal with a non-seeker and how you can respond.
Thank you so much for being here. I hope this was helpful for you and I'd love to hear your feedback! Let me know how this perspective or behavior shift helps you. And don't forget to check out TML's Favorites to find all the latest on my book reviews and product recommendations to bring you more peace of mind. 🫶🏻 You're beautiful, don't forget it. In warmth & growth, p.s. Check out TML's Yoga section for more on Oracle Card Readings, Yoga in-person and via zoom, guided meditations and more. |
Helping You Cultivate Healthy Self-Focus
Hi I’m Joscelyn, a recovering codependent, people-pleaser, and perfectionist turned Master Mindfulness Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Yoga Instructor, and Certified Ritual Guide. I help people let go of toxic habits, situations, and relationships. Check out past editions and sign up below.
Defensiveness is two people pointing weapons at each other, one must put theirs down first for anyone to start feeling safe. PERSPECTIVE SHIFTS Last week I shared a story on threads and talked about both my experience in couples counseling and sharing that story with other people. I had to admit that I was wrong in order to move forward in my relationship. My husband also had work to do, but that was his business and his choice. My work was to see where I was holding up a weapon and choose to...
The first step to turning an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one is taking care of yourself. PERSPECTIVE SHIFTS I recently shared a story on threads about my husband and I in couples counseling. In the story, I talked about how I thought I had our problem all figured out but I was wrong. Something I didn't expect from sharing that story, was how many people would commend me for admitting my fault and taking accountability. I realized what a strength it is to admit being wrong and how...
Expressing your thoughts and feelings will feel like a burden if you're overly concerned with how it makes someone else feel. PERSPECTIVE SHIFTS When you're made to feel like you're too hot to handle, you're more likely to withhold your true thoughts and feelings. People often use a tactic I call The Hot Potato Game to make someone else feel like they're "too much" to avoid rejection or to not deal with feelings. If you've been made to feel like you're being too serious or you can't take a...